Good Bye to a Decade

Wow!  It is New Year's Eve 2010 and it just occurred to me the decade is coming to a close.  Never in a thousand years could I have dreamed how full my life would be at age 37 or the ways my life has changed in 10 years.  I think I remember my mother saying she felt the same way on December 31, 1979.  I am thankful for the few minutes of quiet that I have right now to reflect on the last 10 years and the opportunity for it all to sink in.  I've come a long way, Baby!  And I am forever grateful for the ride!  Here are the highlights.

2000 - I moved from Hattiesburg, Ms to Austin, TX to be with my love.  We combined our 3 bedroom homes into 1, making for a very full garage.  I went to work for Tramex Travel and learned what sales is all about.  I worked hard and my "drive" began to show.  I traveled to all sorts of exciting places and loved every minute.

2001 - I spent 10 days in France, my first and only trip over the Pond, with my Tramex manager and very good friend, Becky.  Kim and I planned an 8 day trip to Disney World that nearly didn't happen when 9/11 happened.  I thought my career in travel was over after so many people died at the hand of evil.  The whole world watched as airplanes were used as weapons.  I couldn't imagine that anyone would travel again.  9/11 was so personal to me because my industry went up in smoke before my very eyes.  We did take that trip to Disney World, which was incredible.  Little did we know this would be one of the last trips we would take alone.

2002 - Kim and I became certified foster parents and mothers to Brie.  Just before Brie came home to us, Kim and I took a 7 day cruise out of Florida on Royal Caribbean.  It was WONDERFUL!  We dozed by the pool everyday, reading books and people watching.  Kim and I were head over heels in love with Brie and I thought she would be with us forever, but I was wrong.  Brie taught us how to be great moms, which was a good thing because Madison was on her way.  3 days later, I lost my grandfather.  I love you, Pop.

2003 - We continued fostering and began the process to adopt Maddie.  I continued working harder than hard at the travel agency and set my sights high for big money and huge groups.  I had my first taste of financial success with my first mega group.  I learned more about myself through the creation of this group than I ever learned about travel.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow. We joined Parenting Across Color, a support group for families like ours. While blow drying my hair one day, I heard God tell me our family would be a light unto the world for race relations in America.  Kim thought I was crazy.  I wondered what it meant. 

2004 - I changed agencies and was promptly sued - more opportunities for personal growth.  I was setting huge goals for myself professionally.  I began to dream bigger dreams and started to believe I could probably do most anything.  We traveled and cruised and finalized Maddie's adoption.

2005 - This was the year I decided to start my own business.  Kim and I gave birth to Signature Journeys.  Little did I know the economy and the industry would tank even more.  We had the highest of hopes, but the outlook wasn't good.  Leave it to me never to give up. We met Rosie O'Donnell on the R Family Vacations cruise.  So much fun!

2006 - Working like a dog to keep Signature Journeys afloat.  This was a hard year.

2007 - McKenzie arrives!  I fell head over heels in love with Kenzie and knew in an instant she had to be mine.  I am so profoundly thankful for this baby.  Signature Journeys was dying but our family was growing.  We moved into the house of our dreams and I swore I would be buried in the backyard.  I love this house!  I also began meeting with my friend and fellow writer, Cheryl, every Thursday morning for 2 hours to write.  More dreams were taking shape and the personal growth was astounding.  I am so thankful for that time with Cheryl.  What a blessing!

2008 -   Biggest surprise of our lives - Morgan!  We thought our family was complete with 2 kids but God wasn't done with us.  I can't imagine life without her!  Signature Journeys breathed it's last breath and Morgan's arrival gave me the chance to re-prioritize my life.  I took on a few odd jobs to bring in some money and Brown Babies Pink Parents was coming to life.  I became more involved in writing and blogging, realizing more and more that I had something to share with the world.  Maybe that message had something to do with black vs white.

2009 - More odd jobs and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  A new baby came into our lives who I thought would stay forever, but we were just a stepping stone for her.  Much of the year was spent trying to juggle 4 kids, a full time job, and everything in between.  Someone very wise suggested I finish that book I was always talking about and then possibly turn Parenting Across Color into a non-profit. I figured, why not? Parenting Across Color was incorporated in December 2009.

transracial families at the same time.  It has been a super busy year and I am absolutely exhausted on December 31, 2010 at 6:01 Pm.

I do have a message to share.  I have an important message to share about peace and healing and love.  I can hardly wait to see what 2011 has in store for me.  I wish you and yours a very happy new year.  I look forward to sharing more adventures with you from my wild and crazy life. 

Happy New Year!!!

Merry Christmas!

It is 9:17 Pm on Christmas night and the kids are finally asleep.  I am exhausted, having had the most wonderful Christmas in recent memory.  My parents flew in from Georgia yesterday and were able to be part of Christmas morning.  The girls woke up at 6 Am, despite being told last night they could not come downstairs before 7.  Of course, I used to get my parents up at 3 and 4 in the morning on Christmas so, really, why am I complaining?  Anyway, we spent about an hour opening presents.  I absolutely delighted in watching the children tear through gifts!  There were barking dogs, new clothes, books, dolls, toys, and finally - the bikes.  Madison actually learned how to ride a 2 wheeler in about 10 minutes in 25 degree weather!  I am so proud of every one of them!  It has been a fantastic day with great food, naps, Mom and Dad, no schedule, and my family.  I am so incredibly blessed. 

Do you know the Christmas song about the red shoes for the dying mother?  I am not a big fan of the song but I thought of it in Sam's the other day while waiting in line for a hot dog.  Kim was checking out and I was in line for lunch. McKenzie and Madison ran between us with the expected excitement and enthusiasm of children just before Christmas.  Each of them came over to me and gave a hug or other expression of love.  I gave them each a squeeze.  I remember McKenzie telling me she loves me, which is a fairly regular ocurance.  For some reason, I turned slightly and the man standing behind me caught my eye.  He was a total stranger.  A middle aged white man in slacks and a dress shirt with his collar unbuttoned. 

"They really love you," he said.

Startled, I turned toward him and said, "Yes they do."

"I mean they really love you and I bet it isn't just at Christmas," he speculated.

"Yes, they do.  I am a lucky lady."

Isn't it amazing how a few words from a stranger can warm your heart and bring all the chaos of shopping while unemployed, preparing for the holidays, and school holidays into focus? I will always remember the man from Sam's the week before Christmas. 

Merry Christmas to all of you reading these words.  I hope you have had a day filled with the ones you love.  I told a friend earlier today - I am exhausted, stuffed, and broke.  I wish you the same!

Happy Birthday Bubba!

33 years ago today, one of the greatest loves of my life was born.  Of course, I didn't know it at the time.  Looking back, I remember my mother being pregnant for what seemed like forever.  Our family moved from Georgia to North Carolina while Mom was great with child.  We lived in the Holiday Inn for a month or a year (I don't really remember which) with a cat while waiting for the house to be ready for move in.  I remember Mom going to the hospital early and getting to eat out with Dad on a more frequent basis.  And then finally, after years of waiting (not really), Mom delivered a man child named Carl.  My Gran came to stay with me while Mom and Dad busied themselves at the hospital.  I clearly remember waiting in the lobby next to the elevator for Mom to come home with the new baby.  There wasn't a chair in sight and I had to stand with Gran for, again, what seemed like forever to a 4 year old.  Suddenly, the elevator doors opened and a nurse wheeled my mother into the lobby.  She stopped in front of me so I could see him.  Mom carefully pulled back the blanket and I immediately wanted a do-over!  He was nothing like I expected and I couldn't believe I had waited so long for that!

Carl annoyed me for most of my childhood, as all good brothers are required to do.  I remember Gran warning me that my face could possibly freeze in such an ugly scowl if I remained so irritated with him.  At some point, Carl joined the Boy Scouts and actually tied a knot that kept me trapped in my bedroom for many, many hours while Mom and Dad were away for a Saturday.  And did I mention he sang ALL the time?  Oh yes.  The neighbors used to tease they always knew what time it was when they heard Carl singing at top volume as he walked home from the bus stop.  The kid made me crazy! 

And then suddenly, we grew up.  He was in high school and I was working at the travel agency when he needed to take the SAT test in Biloxi at the crack of dawn on a Saturday.  I offered to go to the Coast with him and spend Friday night in a hotel so he could take the test early the next morning.  I can't remember if we took his all-terrain-Corsica or my car, but I remember we sang along with the Cranberries and INXS the whole way there.  Once at the hotel, we sat by the pool and just talked.  I realized he was a person - an amazing person.  I made a friend in my brother. 

Carl was the second person I told I was gay.  The funny part is he didn't believe me.  We were delivering Christmas boxes to the needy in his Chevy truck (don't even get me started on teaching him how to drive a stick shift!) when I burst into tears and told him I was gay.  It took a few minutes of convincing before he got it.  I kept telling him how happy I was and he said in the classic Carl style, "Well you don't look very happy with all those tears."  He offered to come with me to tell Mom and Dad.  I knew in that moment he was the greatest love (parental figures not counting) I had ever known until many years later when I became a mother. 

Carl is my brother, my friend, my cheerleader, song leader, court jester, and loving witness to my life.  He is the funniest person I have ever known.  In addition to being brilliant, he is also an amazing father and gentle giant.  I am profoundly thankful for this angel in my life and I am so happy to celebrate this day in honor of Carl's arrival on Earth.  I cannot imagine my world without him and I don't even want to try.  Happy Birthday Bubba!

The Apollo Comes to Texas

Tonight we experienced the early show at the Apollo when Madison organized a performance with her sisters.  This is a common practice in our house - performing in the living room.  Maddie is always the instigator, or shall we say the Dianna Ross of the family.  She usually goes to great measure to choreograph something for her sisters to do to compliment her show.  McKenzie is usually eager to go along with whatever Maddie says to do, but recently Morgan has started to compete with Maddie for the spotlight.  Sometimes the girls stand in front of the fireplace, using this area as a stage since there is a spotlight in the ceiling.  Other times they stand on stools.  Tonight, they sat on stools from the kitchen to perform Morgan's FAVORITE song - the theme from Barney.  Take special note of the passion in Madison's performance. 

Eventually McKenzie joins in the act and our duo turns into a trio.  Of course, the act fell apart in the end and everyone went to bed, but it was good while it lasted. 

It was a great night and Kim and I feel blessed to have witnessed such an incredible performance.  I am already marking this video footage for future use by the producers of VH1's Behind the Music. I am sure this is exactly the way Destiny's Child started out!  I've seen their Behind the Music episode and it definitely includes grainy video from the living room!  What amazing kiddos we have!

Like Mother Like Daughter

There are legendary stories in my family of things my mother has said in a crisis or things she has done that we just can't forget.  We have treasured these stories over the years by re-telling them as often as possible, much to my mother's dismay.  Really, it is a sign of love and adoration.  Of course, now that I am a mother and this stuff is starting to happen to me, it's not quite as funny.  Let's first take a look at my mother's track record.

At some point in the mid-eighties, my father decided to remove a dog pin in the backyard used by the former owners of the house.  In the act of hammering some boards in an upward motion, my father hits himself in the eye.  We believe he fell to the ground and at some point, lost consciousness.  When he awakens, he hears my younger brother shooting hoops on the other side of the fence.  He calls to my brother, "Get your mother!"  Carl runs inside the house, yelling for Mom to come outside.  Unfortunately for  my dad, my mother was on the phone.  In that classic mother way, mom snaps her fingers and whispers loudly to my brother in pure irritation for interrupting her call, "I AM ON THE PHONE!"  So my sweet, clueless brother runs back outside and yells to Dad, "She's on the phone!"  Writhing in pain on the ground, Dad tells him to go back and "get your mother!"  This time Carl peeks around the corner to actually see Dad laying on the ground and is able to get my mother's attention.  I AM ON THE PHONE is a classic in  my family.

Fast forward a few years and Carl and Dad are in the carport playing hackey sack when Dad snaps his Achilles tendon.  Looking back, I can't imagine how painful that must have been.  Carl comes running into the house to get help as Dad, again, lays on the ground writhing in pain.  I remember sitting on the sofa reading the paper when Carl cleared the back door.  Unfortunately for Dad, Mom was on the phone again.  You guessed it - the loud whisper and snapping of the fingers, I AM ON THE PHONE!  Poor Dad.  This time, Carl managed scream "CALL  911" and Mom hung up the phone. 

When I was in the 9th grade, I rode the bus to school.  On this one morning, my mother drove me to school and I insisted I did not feel well.  I told her over and over again how much my glands hurt.  She insisted I was fine and I was going to school.  So Mom drops me off and I go into the classroom where  my teacher promptly tells me I look funny and to go to the office.  I walk into the office to see the nurse where it is determined I had the mumps.  I loved making that call to my mother.  Yep, I told you so. 

My mother Christmas shops all year long, hitting sales on December 26 for the following year.  She has a special way of finding the perfect gift for her children and then hiding it away until Christmas.  She's amazing.  The place she falls short is in the act of remembering where she has hidden said gift.  Actually, Mom has found the perfect way to extend the holiday season into January and February.  I love to hear she's found a gift weeks later and I have something new to unwrap!  Classic Nora!

So  now I am the mother.  I am responsible for the lives of three precious angels and I can see my mother in my mothering.  Yes, there are the sweet things like singing little songs to my kids, or gently waking them up in the morning with loving words and back rubs, or even the way I have to turn down the radio in the car in order for me to think clearly.  Now that I have been doing this mom thing for a while, I am starting to recognize the stories my children will one day tell on me. 

Let's take the incident with the milk.  I poured little cups of milk for dinner and was irritated when Madison resisted drinking her milk.  I explained how important calcium is and how much I want her to have strong bones.  When that didn't work, I stepped it up a little by telling her she had to drink her milk before leaving the table.  When that didn't work, I started threatening.  When that didn't work, I started yelling.  (Yeah, I'm not proud of that but it happens.)  Eventually Maddie drank the milk.  The night went on in the normal way - homework, baths, books, and bedtime.  Kim and I watched TV after the kids went to bed and when 10 pm rolled around,  I poured a small shot of milk to swallow my Melatonin.  It is a MIRACLE I did not spray that milk all over the kitchen and actually made it to the sink to spit the RANCID milk out.  I gagged and wretched and rinsed my mouth with water from the sink repeatedly as Kim laughed uncontrollably.  I felt awful!  I made my babies drink sour milk!!!  I felt so guilty!  The next morning I shared the milk story with Julie, best friend of the ages, and she asked, "Well didn't Maddie tell you it tasted bad?"  Julie is the mother of the most precious little boys who are 5 and 3.  She has no idea how manipulative and argumentative little girls can be.  "Of course she said it tasted bad, but it's not like I believed her!" 

And then there is the latest story of making Maddie eat Thanksgiving dinner with a fractured arm.  This will be a classic, I can already tell.  She fell off the monkey bars in the backyard 2 hours before Thanksgiving dinner hit the table.  Yes, she cried.  Yes, it was red.  Yes, it hurt.  In our defense, she was able to move her fingers and the swelling was minor.  The rest of the night was DRAMA filled over the arm.  We made it through dinner and dishes.  We put Madison to bed with Tylenol assuring her the arm was going to be fine.  She was up twice during the night with tears and sobs, saying how much it hurt.  At 4:30 am, Kim takes her to the ER to learn she had, in fact, fractured her arm.  Well I'll be darned.  Again, another classic in the making.

I love being a mother largely impart because I love my own mother as much as I do.  And I don't just love her, I enjoy her.  We laugh and cry and cut up with each other on the phone and in person.  I hope my girls love me as much when they are 37 as I love my mother now.  I am sure there will be a million tales to tell on me and I welcome every one, I think.  Hopefully I can learn a thing or two from Mom about how to be gracious under ridicule. 

Thanksgiving Recap

It was a wonderful Thanksgiving and I am looking forward to the left overs tonight!  Our family was joined by 2 others for a fabulous meal and a good time was had by all.  There were 6 lovely adults and 6 very active children and a blaze in the fireplace made the day nearly perfect.  I was so excited to use my Christmas china and new table linens.  Mother - I actually ironed the table cloth!  It was a great day and would have been one for the record books if Madison had not fallen off the monkey bars and fractured her right arm.  Yep, first break of our family.  We knew she hurt it when it happened, but didn't realize the severity until she woke up several times during the night crying in pain.  Kim took her to the ER about 4:30 this morning and an X-Ray confirmed the fracture. 

Somehow I was bamboozled into getting up this morning at 3 Am to take part in Black Friday.  It started with Misty going and then Kim was going and then suddenly I was going while Kim slept.  Yes, I got the short end of the stick.  So I set the alarm for 3 Am and throw on some warm clothes upon rolling out of the bed.  I parked the car at 3:33 am along with 4,000 other people.  I stood in a line that wrapped around the building in the rain that turned to sleet for 30 minutes until the store opened at 4 Am.  On the upside, I made some great friends in line.

I walked into the store at 4:03 and headed straight for the hot ticket item in high demand in my house.  At 4:04 Am the entire stock of our hot ticket item was sold out.  I thought I would cry on the spot.  This item was on significant sale - essentially buy 1 get 1.  I struggled against the crowd still pouring through the doors to make my way back to the van.  I was so disappointed.  I crawled back into the bed totally defeated.  Kim then took Madison to the ER and 5 minutes later, McKenzie and Morgan woke up for the day.  It's been a LONG day today.  Morgan conked out on the living room floor about 10 Am.

So, I can't leave you thinking the day was a total disappointment.  Misty called from Target mid morning to say there were plenty of hot ticket items and Target was price matching!!  Woohoo!  Thanks to Misty, we have our hot ticket items!  And the whole family has spent the day recovering from too much turkey and not enough sleep.  Here's to decorating tomorrow!

A Cowgirl Birthday Party

I took McKenzie to a birthday party last weekend for her friend Kayla, who is in the same kindergarten class.  It makes me feel so good for the children to receive birthday party invitations - proof positive of friendship and social interaction.  We drove WAY out in the country to Kayla's grandparent's farm for the party.  There was a giant longhorn named Pat, several cows, a bunch of chickens, 1 donkey straight out of Shrek who did not like posing for pictures, and a pony to ride.  McKenzie had a great time and I enjoyed visiting with the other parents.  Here are just a few pictures from the day.

Happy Thanksgiving

My favorite holiday of the year has finally arrived and so far, it has been a fabulous day.  The girls let us sleep until 8 this morning, which is unusual and much appreciated.  Kim and I had a great time going through the newspaper and all of the sale ads.  I've never actually done the whole Black Friday routine, but Kim has fond memories of shopping till you drop. I take that back.  Mom, Kathy and I once hit McRae's (department store) for the Black Friday sale.  We were actually one of the first through the doors and made it all the way to the bind of Cracker Jack boxes (coupon inside) when we paused to look at the madness around us.  It was crazy!  All three of us looked at each other and make the decision to hit the breakfast buffet at Shoney's instead of risking life and limb to save a few dollars.  Despite that one experience, I still enjoy reading the sale ads on Thanksgiving morning. 

Maddie, McKenzie, and Morgan played outside this morning for almost 3 hours!  No fighting, no crying, no telling on each other.  They went back and forth between the trampoline and the playscape.  It warmed our hearts to see them playing so sweetly.  It also gave me and Kim time to finish cleaning and cooking for Thanksgiving.  Okay, you know Kim is the one cooking and we both cleaned.  We are less than an hour away from friends arriving for Thanksgiving dinner and we can hardly wait to get at that bird.  Kim cooks a bird overnight and it smells so good in this house! 

Did I mention the big cold front arrived a few minutes ago?  Yes, it has been in the 80's here for a week or more, which doesn't feel very holiday at all.  We have been looking forward to this cold front for days because the temps are dropping into the 30's.  Of course, we're back to the 70's next week but who cares!  I get a fire in the fireplace for Thanksgiving!  The wind is wipping past the house and I think I might have seen a small dog flying by.  As long as we don't see an airborn lady on a bicycle, I think we're okay. 

I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday with ones you love.  I am so incredibly thankful for my children and for Kim, who made me a mother.  I thank God every day for the gift of my parents and our home.  And I am thankful for Mary and Vanessa, who brought my children into this world.  May they be warm, safe, and loved wherever they are.  And to those who have passed on, we give thanks for the special place they still hold in our hearts - Kathy, Bern & Clarence, Margaret & Tommy, June & Carlton. 

Happy Thanksgiving!