All hail Sandra Bullock

I was sitting at the dining room table in front of the beautiful window that looks out onto our cul-du-sac when the news flash swept across my lap top - Sandra Bullock adopts baby from New Orleans.  Woohoo!  I immediately began to do the Happy Dance to learn a major celebrity had adopted a child within the United States!  I carefully followed the adoption stories of Angelina Jolie and Madonna, who each adopted children from other countries amidst a few controversies.  New Orleans is practically in my backyard!  I was thrilled.  I lowered my head over my nearly finished manuscript of Brown Babies Pink Parents and said a prayer, "Please, Lord, let him be black."

Moments later Kim calls to me from the living room, "Sandra Bullock adopted a black baby!  Come see his picture on the TV!"

"Thank you, Jesus," I said with a heart filled with thanks and praise.  This is exactly what we need to see in the media - positive images of transracial families.  Nothing could be better for our organization, Parenting Across Color, or my upcoming book. 

My inbox was flooded for the next few weeks with news stories and blogs about parenting across the color line.  I have read every conceivable opinion on the issue.  Transracial adoption is a hot topic these days and I am blown away by the misconceptions out there.  The biggest one came from an adoption expert, Dr. Elias Lefferman of Vista Del Mar Family Services, who was interviewed for Entertainment Tonight's story on Sandra Bullock's adoption. 

"Also, since baby Louis is African American and Sandra is Caucasian, Dr. Lefferman says that she will probably have gone through and will continue to go through training about transracial adoption in order for her to learn about sensitivity and exploring her son's heritage with him."

I would love to offer adoptive parents the opportunity to undergo training like Dr. Lefferman mentions!  The fact there is very little training, if any, available to adoptive or foster parents is one of my missions in life.  Our children deserve to have parents who understand their heritage and culture.  Our kiddos should have parents who know how to care for their skin and hair.  We need to prepare parents for what obstacles are coming without diminishing their enthusiasm.  In writing Brown Babies Pink Parents, I interviewed numerous families from around the country about their experiences of transracial adoption.  Just as I suspected, only 1 woman in Brooklyn, NY received any training to prepare her for the arrival of her son.  Want to take a guess at the extent of the training?  1 hour. 

To become a foster parent in the state of Texas, a person must complete a 6 week course entitled PRIDE.  Granted, I completed the PRIDE training in 2002, but have been assured by dozens of newer parents the format has not changed any.  The only mention given to me in PRIDE about parenting a child of a different ethnicity came when I was asked whether or not I would take a Jewish foster child to synagogue if I were a Christian.  The answer was yes.  However, in 8 years of fostering, I have yet to receive a Jewish placement in my home.  I have parented 6 African American children over the years and learning to care for their hair and skin came through trial and error. 

Thankfully, our family had Parenting Across Color to lean on for support.  I  learned to comb hair, came to understand and accept my white privilege,  committed to find as many opportunities as possible for my children to be in the majority and the parents to be in the minority, and so much more.  It takes a village to raise a child and certainly takes a village to successfully parent across the color line.  Caucasian parents simply do not have the life skills or experiences necessary to show their African American children how to be black in America.  In order to do so, I rely on the village.  I have strategically assembled a village to serve as roll models for my brown babies.  I don't know how to be a strong, black woman because I have never been, nor will I ever be, one. 

Education and training are essential for white parents to successfully raise their black children.  Love is not enough.  While love may be colorblind, the world is not.  The greatest gift we can give our kiddos is to see them for who they are - black and beautiful.  The greatest tool we can give them are the skills to navigate the emotional intersection of race and adoption. 

Dr.Lefferman, I would love to talk to you about ways to implement this type of training into adoption preparation classes around the country through both private and public agencies.  Parenting Across Color is doing our best to fill in the gaps, but perhaps you can be part of the solution as well.  Call me.  E-mail me.  I am ready to talk.  I am prepared to brainstorm.  I am more than willing to help other adoptive parents just like me who have the very best intentions and want to minimize the number of mistakes we will inevitably make in raising our children.  Help me prepare adoptive families.  Regardless of fame and fortune, Sandra Bullock will need the same training and support.