Adoption

Whether you conceive or adopt, aquiring a child isn't always easy. On one side of the spectrum there are my parents who conveived me while using multiple forms of birth control. On the other end of the spectrum, you have my friend, Brandy, and her husband who have spent the last 1+ years working with a fertility specialist to create a baby. While Brad and Angelina can dash over to Vietnam to adopt a baby with little effort or complications, the rest of us who chose to adopt travel a rocky road filled with emotional land mines.

Kim and I are working on adoption #3 and none of them have been easy for reasons that have nothing to do with our being a gay family. There is so much uncertainty in adoption because anything can happen that changes the entire picture. With Madison's adoption, the process lasted almost 2 years (1 month shy of 2 years). With McKenzie's adoption, her case slipped between the cracks and required a tremendous amount of follow up and diligence on our part. If it weren't for our kicking and screaming, she would still be stuck in the system. It makes me sad to realize the number of other children in McKenzie's place, whose case has fallen between the gaps of overworked and underappreciated workers. I learned patience through Madison's adoption. My faith carried me through the process. I learned the art of advocacy through McKenzie's adoption. I was not going to let anyone forget about this little girl.

And now my baby Morgan. I have always known in my heart that Morgan belongs with us. I know in my bones that we were destined to be her parents. I know that Morgan is meant to be with her sisters. I remember wondering if Madison should be an only child or if someday we would have a sibling for her. I worried about a large age difference because Maddie was growing up and there didn't seem to be any prospective siblings. Now I have 3 daughters who are exactly 3 years, 3 months, and 2 days apart from one another. If that isn't a greater plan at work in my life than I don't know what is.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from the baby's case worker that a maternal aunt wants to adopt her. All of my fight and faith disappeared and I crumbled upon hearing the news. I thought this was suppose to be a "slam dunk" adoption and now there was a new consideration. My first thought was of Madison and McKenzie, who would be devastated if Morgan left us. Devastated is an understatement. Morgan is their baby. I cannot imagine any of them without the other 2. I spent most of the day crying, despite the calls from members of her "team" telling me the odds are definitely in our favor. Intellectually, I know the odds are in our favor. Emotionally, I cannot imagine not having Morgan in my arms.

Making the day even worse was keeping this information to myself until Kim came home from work. I didn't want to ruin her day when she had to be productive in public. I picked Madison and McKenzie up early from school and left them with wonderful friends while I broke the news to Kim. We were able to spend a few hours together processing the information. It was just what we needed.

I hate being in limbo. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I hate not knowing where I stand. Such is life. There are no certainties that I know of. There are very few guarantees. What I do know for sure is love. I know that God loves me, my children, and our family. I know that I was created in love and that Morgan came home to love. I trust love. I know I would do absolutely anything for this child whose birth family could not. I know that I will fight like the mother bear I am to ensure Morgan's best interests are considered at every point because I love her more than I love myself. I know the next week and a half will be long and it will be love that gets me through it. I know when I walk into yet another court room on Halloween morning that I will do what Rev. Ken Martin taught me well to do and that is to speak the truth in love, relentlessly.

After such an exhausting and emotionally draining day, God showed me how sweet, how funny, and how precious life is. Kim was able to get Morgan to "dance" as she dressed her for bed. We laughed until we cried and then finally thought to grab the camera. By the time I found the camera, the dancing had calmed down a bit, but here is the sweetest thing I have seen in a long time. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com