Adventures in Unemployment

The travel business is dying. The industry I have loved for so many years can no longer support my family, so it is time to find a job. I have been without a job for many months now and the economy is not helping. I am finally getting calls for interviews, but nothing so far. As with everything in my life, I have to find the humor or I will go nuts. So let me share the highlights of my week in pursuit of gainful employment.

I responded to an ad for what I believed to be an event planner. The ad said this Houston based company was expanding into Austin and needed to fill a number of positions. I read through their website and still thought the position was for an event planner, which is totally up my alley. I was thrilled when I received an e-mail last Friday at Maddie's basketball practice requesting an interview. Finally, we're getting somewhere!

So I bust out the interview/every-important-business-event-in-my-life suite that makes me feel like a million bucks. I even decide to wear the spanx. Yes, the spanx I bought last year that have only been worn a handful of times because I seem to lose conciousness at some point in the process of pulling them up. These are the very same spanx that came with a bottle of lube! So, I take my Mapquest print out, resume in the beautiful black brief case, and my 16 inch waiste (you know I'm kidding) to an office complex in North Austin. I find the perfect parking spot, check the lipstick, check the time (10 minutes early) and walk with confidence into Suite C.

The first indication this might not be the place for me was the small space heater on the floor of this "office". There was a lone desk, many chairs, and this pitiful little space heater. Not a good sign. And then he appears from around the corner -small man in a too big suite with hair slicked back. I immediately knew I was going to buy a used car or give some money to Jesus.

He sat behind the desk while I sat across from him by the space heater. He starts talking and I struggle to process the words as they fly from his mouth that is moving so fast I can barely see his lips. This guy is a piece of work. It takes 2 minutes (tops) to realize this is not for me. This position was not for an event planner as I understood a planner to be, but in fact for someone to promote .... turtle wax at gas stations and car washes. Oh my gosh! Is he serious? On the one hand, I was completely insulted. On the other hand, I thought I have hit rock bottom.

I thanked Mr. Fast Talker for his time and said no thanks. He felt confident I could make it to the second round of interviews. I felt confident I would not. I left the building in a bad mood. What was I going to do now? This had been the most promising prospect so far - turtle wax!

So, I went to Dillards. I've been out of eye shadow for a month and the American Express gift card Gail sent for my birthday was screaming "Use me now. Break in case of an emergency." I make my way to the Clinique counter and make my purchase. I'm starting to feel better. Had it been Bonus Week, I could have maybe cracked a smile. I was not having a good day. As I walk away from the Clinique counter, I see it. I start to laugh and cannot stop. It is the funniest thing I have seen in weeks and there is no one with me to share this laugh. I look around for a sales person to include in the joke, but everyone is busy.

There before me in Dillards was a spanx display with a TV in the middle of the display table. Seriously, a TV with DVD player in the midst of hundreds of packages of spanx. What images could they possibly show that would make me buy another pair of spanx? What images would be appropriate to see in public that wouldn't frieghten young children and the elderly? I mean, seriously, the before and after pictures might be great but the middle part could kill someone with a weak heart. Spanx are a true comittment to the illusion of thinness. Not only does it take me 20+ minutes to get them on and don't even get me started on what happens if even 1 fiber gets twisted, but I also have to pee through a small hole for the rest of the day. Seriously! There things are so difficult to put on the makers have made a hole in the crotch so you don't have to experience a loss of concioussness in a public restroom when you finally have to relieve yourself away from home. Can you imagine video of me or any woman breaking into a sweat trying to put on a pair of Spanx? I can see it now - writhing around on the bed screaming for help. Call me crazy, but I don't think those images are going to sell more Spanx.

I left Dillards a new woman. Laughter is truly the best medicine and I can finally laugh about the turtle wax. The Spanx display restored my spirit and I was able to prepare for the next day's interview at Palm Harbor Homes. Yes, those would be pre-fab homes or as we call them in Mississippi, double wides. Hey, I ain't proud. My babies need to eat and I can sell almost anything. Do you think it would be a conflict of interest to sell tornado insurance out of the back of my car? That would be one way to double my money!