Another Up and Down Day

Yesterday started off with a bang! I received an e-mail from the previously mentioned Judge, saying the National Council of Juvenille Family Court Judges read my blog. Yep, read MY blog. Oh I am feeling mighty fine now! According to the Judge, they were "wowed by my words". Oh yeah, you read it right - wowed. I hovered about 2 feet off the ground all day yesterday thinking about people other than my mama reading the blog. What a great day!

And then I went to pick up Madison from school where the parent of Maddie's friend wanted to talk with me. It was my intention to put together a play group of brown girls from around the neighborhood for Maddie and McKenzie. I thought it would be fun for the girls, since we live in a predominantly white area, to have a regular play group of children who resemble them. I also thought it would be a a great support system on which to build. You know me, I was envisioning play dates that turn into prom pictures on the front porch of these beautiful brown girls who grew up together outside of Austin. Well that vision came to a screaching halt in the parking lot of the school.

The beautiful mother of Madison's friend who I absolutely adore and have used as a resource on so many occassions when issues of race have arisen, needed to tell me face to face that she and her husband were not comfortable with having their child in our home. And I don't think she meant because we are Methodist. I was heartbroken.

When I came out of the closet in 1999, it was really important for me to convince people that I was equal to them regardless of my sexuality. I've grown a little wiser over the years and I recognized in the parking lot of the school yesterday that it was not my job to change this lady's mind. I told her I thought by knowing me this long as a person and and as a mother, she would know the intentions of my heart. She said she did and admired what I was doing in raising my children, but just didn't feel comfortable in my home. I offered to have her stay for the play date and she said no. I asked if she would be more comfortable at the park or another public place and she said yes. Ah ha - the door is open.

You see, I really don't care what you think about me. I will do anything to protect my children and ensure they are well rounded individuals. It is important to me to maintain the relationship between our children and I am willing to bend to make that happen. The conversation was not easy for either one of us. And I have to say how much I respect her honesty. It took balls to say what she did to my face. I have wondered in the past if the girls had lost any friends along the way because of who Kim and I are. More than likely, they have and we just don't know the reason. At least this person was brave enough to tell me where she is coming from.

We left each other in the parking lot on good terms. I asked if I could hug her and she seemed relieved to say yes. We are going to spend the afternoon together with our girls during Spring Break, maybe go to a museum or something. I assured her there is an open invitation for her family to our home. They are welcome at any time to come over. I hope she takes me up on it at some point in the future.

Looking back on the exchange, I know I handled the situation well. I can't think of anything I should have said or done differently. I am thankful she was honest. I am thankful she left the door open. What hurt me was learning while I view her as a friend, she can only see me as a lesbian. And being a lesbian is a small part of who I am. I am also a partner, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a seeker, a writer, a friend, a follower of Christ, a neighbor, a dreamer, a believer, an advocate, and so much more. I know who I am and I am confident in that knowledge. I am not willing to bend who I am, but am willing to do whatever is possible to make my children's lives fuller. I truly hope she comes around and not just for Maddie's sake, but for mine as well.