Girls of Summer

Summer has officially begun!  School is out after some special end-of-the-year events.  McKenzie and Morgan are advancing to their next classroom setting for the summer.  Nanny was here to celebrate Morgan's birthday and close out the school year with the kids.  The neighborhood pool has officially opened.  And I have a novel in my lap.  Yes, it's hot and I am having those fantasies of living in Vermont for the summer, but hell, it's hot everywhere.  Global warming stinks. 




Today has been a tremendously relaxing day, thanks to Kim, who encouraged me to get myself going early this morning so we could hit the swimming pool before anyone else.  I remember the days when I went to the pool with a towel.  Looking at us today, it looks like we're preparing for nuclear fall out!  The mini van was packed with noodles, floaties, towels, sunscreen, snacks, a cooler for water, goggles, and the kids, of course.  Geesh!  We played in the pool for 3 hours with friends, Dax and Payton.  It was great fun and followed by even greater naps for all 3 kids.

I even had a chance to start my new novel, courtesy of Mom, called The Help.  The story is set in Jackson, MS in the 1960's and the author is brilliant.  She has the dialect spot on and I am super impressed.  I haven't read a novel in ages and I am super excited about this one.  Fantastic summer read!


So stay tuned for more updates on the Girls of Summer.  McKenzie and Morgan head back to Mt. Sinai on Tuesday and Maddie will be home for the summer with us.  Please pray for us.  Just kidding.  Hopefully we will have many adventures to share with you.  Happy Summer!

Madison, The Author

Thursday we celebrated the debut of Madison's soon-to-be award winning book, Hollywood, with her first grade class.  Her entire class was impressed with the creativity that went into the writing of the book and so were we.  Praise the Lord there were no bus accidents, texting, or any other forms of abuse and/or neglect on the part of dear old Mommy.  I am so proud of her and amazed by her imagination.  I hope we can continue writing together through the summer. 


So without further ado, here is Madison's presentation of Hollywood.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thank you Aunt Gail and Aunt Pat!

The birthday love keeps flowing as the birthday grows smaller in the rear view mirror.  Morgan received birthday cards from two of her great aunts this week, enabling us to bring home an exciting addition to the collection of toys in the garage.  Morgan is now the proud owner of a brand new tricycle! It will take some time to get the hang of peddling, but the girl is far from stationary even without the peddles.  She had a blast last night cruising the living room before bed. 

Nanny arrived yesterday, adding even more love to the birthday week celebration.  I thought Nanny looked as happy as a pig in mud last night reading bedtime stories to the girls.  Today we are going to the Author's Tea at Madison's school where her newly published book, Hollywood, will debut.  I only pray there is no mention of my texting in this hardback publication for which we paid a few dollars.  None the less, I am thrilled Mom can be here for the tea. 

I am so happy to have Mom here.  I know she is excited to be here as well.  I hope we both feel the same way at the end of 10 days when she returns to Savannah.  Having her here makes me feel peaceful and content.  I hope I have the same affect on my own children some day.  I can't tell you  how much I enjoy spending time with Mom.  Of course, she thinks I am brilliant and enormously talented and that goes a LONG way :) I am truly blessed to have such a mother. 

The End of the First Grade

Only 2 weeks left of the first grade and Madison is looking forward to summer vacation.  It has been a busy couple of weeks with choir performances and a field trip to the Nature Center.  While it has been difficult having two parents unemployed at the same time, I am so thankful we have been available to be present for Maddie's events.  Kim and I thoroughly enjoyed the Nature Center, a place we had never visited in Austin.  I later came to discover this is where my friend, Evelyn, plans to have her ashes scattered.  It is so peaceful and such a beautiful place.  Here are just a few pictures from the day.

Maddie joined the choir this year and the big performance was a week or so ago.  We were wrapped up in the performance when the fire alarm rang out through the school.  The entire building was forced to evacuate in the middle of the concert.  I was so disappointed for Maddie!  It was later discovered that someone pulled the fire alarm in the hallway.  The choir director made a point of telling the audience the fire department was dusting the alarm for finger prints, in hopes some little brother or sister would come clean.  No one did; however, her comments made me think of the scene in Grease when the T-birds moon the cameras at the prom.  The principal announces the footage is being sent to the FBI for identification.  Too funny.

Maddie's #1 main man, Tim, came to the concert with daughter and great friend, Ellah.  Maddie was beyond excited to see Tim there.  

The week following the choir performance, the very brave music teacher took 110 kids on a choir tour around the city.  Kim and I were able to catch up to the crowd at Whole Foods where Maddie sang her heart out.  So cute!

Jumping on the Trampoline

Tim, Ebb, and my Triple M

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Standardized Testing

I took part in a 3 day seminar 2 years ago called Undoing Racism.  This was my first taste of the debate on cultural bias in standardized testing.  It made total sense to me that not everyone would have the same point of reference to take a right or wrong type of test. And then the issue came full circle last week when Kim and I sat with Madison's teacher reviewing her math scores from a recent standardized test.  The teacher pointed out the questions Madison answered incorrectly and this one has to do with the duration of time.  One of the questions looked like this:


How long does it take to brush my hair? A) 1 minute B) 1 hour C) 1 day


Madison answered B, but the correct answer, according to the key, was A. 


In Maddie's life experience, brushing, or rather combing, her hair takes close to an hour and sometimes more.  She has a lot of hair, all of it is curly, and she is black.  For the white students, 1 minute is enough time to brush your hair.  Not for the black students. 


I think I will pay much more attention to this debate and how to best guide my #1 student.  It really makes you think. 

Happy Birthday Morgan!

Two years ago today a miracle came into the world, but I didn't know it until 2 days later.  Two years ago today I was just living life as the mother of two little girls and the wife of Kim.  Professionally, I was burned out and facing the failure of my business.  I was working at Starwood Hotels in the call center to make a few dollars and give my life some purpose.  Two years ago today, I had no idea the biggest surprise of my life was on her way to my front door.

Morgan was born on a Friday and it was Sunday afternoon when the call came to announce her arrival.  I was working at the call center when I received the message to call home immediately - emergency - everyone is ok.  I hurried to the break room to call Kim who told me CPS woke her from a nap to ask if we were interested in bringing home a sister for Madison and McKenzie.  I was in complete shock.  I had no words.  Kim didn't either.  For me, the shock lasted all of 20 seconds and then the excitement set in.   

Of course we would bring home a sister for the girls!  I raced home to make the call with Kim, telling CPS to bring her home.  We brought Maddie and McKenzie into our bedroom and shared the news.  They were so excited!  Our family changed forever a few minutes later and I thank God every single day we said yes to Morgan.  She opened the door of my heart even wider than I thought possible and re-ordered every one of my priorities.  Morgan is the greatest surprise I could ever hope to have. 

And today we celebrated her second birthday with special friends. 

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

All hail Sandra Bullock

I was sitting at the dining room table in front of the beautiful window that looks out onto our cul-du-sac when the news flash swept across my lap top - Sandra Bullock adopts baby from New Orleans.  Woohoo!  I immediately began to do the Happy Dance to learn a major celebrity had adopted a child within the United States!  I carefully followed the adoption stories of Angelina Jolie and Madonna, who each adopted children from other countries amidst a few controversies.  New Orleans is practically in my backyard!  I was thrilled.  I lowered my head over my nearly finished manuscript of Brown Babies Pink Parents and said a prayer, "Please, Lord, let him be black."

Moments later Kim calls to me from the living room, "Sandra Bullock adopted a black baby!  Come see his picture on the TV!"

"Thank you, Jesus," I said with a heart filled with thanks and praise.  This is exactly what we need to see in the media - positive images of transracial families.  Nothing could be better for our organization, Parenting Across Color, or my upcoming book. 

My inbox was flooded for the next few weeks with news stories and blogs about parenting across the color line.  I have read every conceivable opinion on the issue.  Transracial adoption is a hot topic these days and I am blown away by the misconceptions out there.  The biggest one came from an adoption expert, Dr. Elias Lefferman of Vista Del Mar Family Services, who was interviewed for Entertainment Tonight's story on Sandra Bullock's adoption. 

"Also, since baby Louis is African American and Sandra is Caucasian, Dr. Lefferman says that she will probably have gone through and will continue to go through training about transracial adoption in order for her to learn about sensitivity and exploring her son's heritage with him."

I would love to offer adoptive parents the opportunity to undergo training like Dr. Lefferman mentions!  The fact there is very little training, if any, available to adoptive or foster parents is one of my missions in life.  Our children deserve to have parents who understand their heritage and culture.  Our kiddos should have parents who know how to care for their skin and hair.  We need to prepare parents for what obstacles are coming without diminishing their enthusiasm.  In writing Brown Babies Pink Parents, I interviewed numerous families from around the country about their experiences of transracial adoption.  Just as I suspected, only 1 woman in Brooklyn, NY received any training to prepare her for the arrival of her son.  Want to take a guess at the extent of the training?  1 hour. 

To become a foster parent in the state of Texas, a person must complete a 6 week course entitled PRIDE.  Granted, I completed the PRIDE training in 2002, but have been assured by dozens of newer parents the format has not changed any.  The only mention given to me in PRIDE about parenting a child of a different ethnicity came when I was asked whether or not I would take a Jewish foster child to synagogue if I were a Christian.  The answer was yes.  However, in 8 years of fostering, I have yet to receive a Jewish placement in my home.  I have parented 6 African American children over the years and learning to care for their hair and skin came through trial and error. 

Thankfully, our family had Parenting Across Color to lean on for support.  I  learned to comb hair, came to understand and accept my white privilege,  committed to find as many opportunities as possible for my children to be in the majority and the parents to be in the minority, and so much more.  It takes a village to raise a child and certainly takes a village to successfully parent across the color line.  Caucasian parents simply do not have the life skills or experiences necessary to show their African American children how to be black in America.  In order to do so, I rely on the village.  I have strategically assembled a village to serve as roll models for my brown babies.  I don't know how to be a strong, black woman because I have never been, nor will I ever be, one. 

Education and training are essential for white parents to successfully raise their black children.  Love is not enough.  While love may be colorblind, the world is not.  The greatest gift we can give our kiddos is to see them for who they are - black and beautiful.  The greatest tool we can give them are the skills to navigate the emotional intersection of race and adoption. 

Dr.Lefferman, I would love to talk to you about ways to implement this type of training into adoption preparation classes around the country through both private and public agencies.  Parenting Across Color is doing our best to fill in the gaps, but perhaps you can be part of the solution as well.  Call me.  E-mail me.  I am ready to talk.  I am prepared to brainstorm.  I am more than willing to help other adoptive parents just like me who have the very best intentions and want to minimize the number of mistakes we will inevitably make in raising our children.  Help me prepare adoptive families.  Regardless of fame and fortune, Sandra Bullock will need the same training and support. 

Mother's Day in the 21st Century

Today is Mother's Day and I am having a grand time.  I was able to sleep late, take a wonderful walk alone with my own thoughts and prayers, had a wonderful brunch prepared by my honey, received flowers from my girls, and beautiful cards - some store bought and others made by hand.  I feel loved.

I didn't feel so loved a few days ago when Kim and I attended Madison's last parent/teacher conference of the 1st grade.  As we stood waiting outside the classroom for her teacher, we read the stories displayed on the wall in the hall.  We gathered the assignment was to write a story about a time when you were injured or hurt.  We read several before we came to Maddie's.  And I nearly died.

Madison wrote a story, complete with pictures, about the time she was hit by a bus while I was texting.  She apparently broke bones in her whole body and was rushed to the hospital to be filled with air again.  After she recovered from being hit by a bus, I sent her home with a policeman to babysit.

Kim was laughing.  I could hear that clearly, but my heart was racing and my stomach was in knots.  Was I really reading this horrible account of an event that never took place in the public hallway of the public school?  Yes, I am a foster parent, a safe haven for traumatized children, and my own child is accussing me of allowing her to be hit by a BUS!  I couldn't breathe. 

The absence of air was apparent to the teacher, who immediately assured me Madison wrote a piece of fiction.  You're damn right it's a piece of fiction!  My child has NEVER been hit by a bus as a result of my texting and I have NEVER sent her home with a stranger to babysit!  I was horrified!  Her teacher went on to tell us how creative Madison is.  No kidding!  How could I leave this hanging on the wall outside the classroom for God and everyone to read when all the other children wrote non-fiction pieces??!!??

Between Kim and the teacher, I calmed down.  I was actually able to listen to the wonderful stories of progress Madison has made during the 1st grade.  I was pleased to see her journal entries and reading comprehension scores.  She is still struggling in math, but we have lined up a tutor for the summer to keep her on target.  I was actually feeling good about our meeting and had nearly forgotten about the bus incident.

As we walk out of the classroom, I see the parents of Madison's friend, Lilah, standing in the hallway.  They have the next appointment with the teacher.  It takes all of 30 seconds to realize they are not just standing in the hallway, but laughing in the hallway.  Yes, laughing at Madison's story the way Kim had laughed and I had gasped. 

I'm glad I could give other parents a good chuckle.  Believe me, this is one writing sample I will never forget!  Just like the time I told my pre-school teacher that my dad wore a nightgown to bed after reading The Night Before Christmas for the first time.  I am sure that pre-school teacher was thinking pretty and lacy rather than long and cotton like in the book.  Oh well, Madison and I share a flare for creativity and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Happy Mother's Day!